Small Shorts for Summer

I finally put on my maternity shorts from the summer I was pregnant with Spencer.  They are supposed to look nicer than gym shorts which are the only shorts I'd been wearing up until now.   Loose, maternity capris have worked well so far for comfort and my regrettable lack of desire when it comes to shaving my legs.  But, this weekend was going to be hot, and we were going to the park, and I told myself it was time to actually participate as Spencer's mother.  "So put shorts on and plan on standing up on the playground for a long time, sweating."  I put sunscreen on too, so as to have no excuse to go sit in the shade.

Now, I may have mentioned previously that I gain a lot of weight when I'm pregnant.  I have said that to many-a-woman who has answered me back, "Oh, me too!  I gained fifty pounds with so-and-so."  And to that I laugh and think, try adding another "healthy" pregnancy on top of that fifty."  I gained over seventy pounds with Spencer.  I quit weighing myself after that, and he came at least a few weeks later, maybe a month.  I think I forgot the exact details for my own mental and emotional protection.

To be fair, I was not overweight when I got pregnant (either time), so I know that I needed to gain weight.  I was happy to gain weight.  I'm ALL ABOUT giving the baby what it needs.  I'm just not all about growing out of every article of clothing that can be purchased in the greater Little Rock area.  And that's how seventy plus pounds starts to feel on a 5'  5.75" woman.  And, to be even more fair, I was not underweight when I got pregnant either time either.  I was like Baby Bear on Goldilocks.  I was just right.  There have been times in my life when I was not "just right," and to be honest, I like being "just right."  And this excessive weight-gain thing has bothered me more this time around.  I honestly think it's because I've felt a little better this time and I have more energy and where-withal to think about it.

The last nurse who gave me a hard time about my weight gain with Spencer gave me the final nudge I needed to switch doctors.  THAT'S how I felt about it last time.  =)

Anyway, back to the shorts.  I forced myself to put on the shorts, which is a bigger deal if you gain weight more in your lower half, and I, of course, do.  So, I put them on thinking, "You know what?  This is NOT a big deal.  You have been doing better this pregnancy.  These are going to fit fine.  You are nowhere near 200 lbs.  You need to relax.  Wouldn't you rather be cool than keep from wearing shorts?  No one cares but you.  Everyone knows you, and everyone knows you're pregnant...."  I think mental health professionals call this "self-talk."  I call it my life.

I start doing the math, thinking that there is a two month difference in the due dates of Spencer and baby girl to come.  So, between the two month margin and the partially-less-excessive weight gain this time around, wearing these shorts should NOT be a big deal.  However, the first pair was pretty snug.  You know I don't mean in the waist, right?  No one 22.5 weeks pregnant thinks things are not going to be snug in the waist.  So, let's just get that straight right now--before the comments roll in about how I'm pregnant and I'm supposed to be bigger.  They were snug how things are snug when you gain weight below your waist, like I always do.  AND they were snug in the waist--so they were uncomfortable all over.  BONUS!  =)

So, I think, "Well, I have three pairs of shorts, and if I remember correctly, I got a couple in one size and then one pair in the next size up, right?  I think that's what I did."  So, I check the other two shorts' tags.  They are the same size.  I take off my shorts and check the tag, same size.  Hmmm.  Nice.  I put the shorts back on and think, "I'm definitely not interested in knowing what I weigh now!  That's such a bummer.  I guess I'll blame it on the sinus infection and all the continuous-calorie-drip days that ensued as a way to keep from throwing them up.  I had to take those antibiotics.  I had to keep them down.  That TRULY was for the baby.  Just keep telling your self that...."

We finally get in the car to go to the park.  Jonathan, Spencer, and me--to enjoy a fun family day.  And I keep thinking about it.  I'm just really confused.  I mean, there's a two month difference too!  Shouldn't that help this too-small-already thing even a little bit?  And then, I did it.  I told Jonathan.  And in about one-quarter of a second he looked at me and said, "You're two months ahead this time."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what it's like to be me.  pregnant.