Children surprise you. They surprise you by surprising you. When you most expect a specific, predetermined outcome, they change up the ending on you. The ending you've watched eight thousand times. This is at once comforting and terrifying. It's comforting when they surprise you by growing up a year's worth seemingly over night. It's terrifying that you never know what they are capable of right under the surface of who they are day in and day out. That you don't expect great things from them because you've become accustomed to some other not as great things. How sad that you would spend their precious toddler and preschool years so focused on all the crazy of the day to day that you forget to equip, encourage, and instill for who they will become as opposed to who they currently are.
It's easy to forget because they have to eat--regularly! Many also do eventually learn to talk, clearly and constantly--even the ones with apraxia. In this country, at least, there's also the expected outings of childhood that are pretty much a requirement. Luckily, that's one of the things I thoroughly enjoy about raising my kidlets; but it sure puts a damper on house keeping....or cooking....or functioning in really any other capacity; there's a lot of day to day to juggle around, let alone attempting to visionarily raise them.
It's easy to forget because there are so many people whose job it appears is to encourage you to focus on the here and now. Well-meaning, loving people who each have their own very specific area of training, expertise, world-view, and sometimes, if we can all agree to call a spade a spade, opinions, about where, when, why, how, how often, to what extent, and with whom your child should be, go, learn, do, create, and grow. As a mom who considers her family to be her career as well as her calling, it's a lot to take in. If it's your job to do right by them, then, of course you are not so arrogant as to think there are not others who know more about some things than you. So, you research and listen and question and, sometimes, almost forget.
It's easy to forget the people they will be, the people you've not yet had the pleasure of meeting. It's easy to forget no one else will be responsible for the outcome to the degree that you will be. It's easy to forget how you'd hoped this whole thing would go. Your own ideas and values, that you'd dreamed of living out in your calling to these small, becoming creatures who call you "Mommy." The people they will be exist positively in so much as I'm creating in them love, kindness, courage, and capability now. Keeping those people-in-the-making in mind helps tune out the noise.
In the end, they'll surprise themselves too. They have no way of knowing what is happening each and every day under their own precious curls. They know songs, stories, family, and teachers. They know more than I'm proud to admit of "Max or Ruby," "Veggie Tales," "Daniel Tiger," and "Psalty." But they don't know that someday, in retrospect, the surprises might form a fairly clear trajectory; that today, yesterday, and last week are not all that is going on. Characters are being formed; synapses are being made; love is being shared. And, I'm hopeful that those things are preparing us all for great surprises.
9/6/13
6/16/13
All About Spencer and Evelyn's Daddy
Interview with Spencer
Father's Day 2013
How old is your daddy? I don't know. Four?
What color is your daddy's hair? Black.
What color are your daddy's eyes? I don't know. He's a worker. He's at work.
What kind of clothes does your daddy like to wear? His blue shirt and all the other clothes.
What does your daddy like to eat? Peanut butter banana sandwich.
Do you see him eat that? Uh huh. A few weeks ago.
Your daddy is smart because he knows everything!
Your daddy works hard at work, at his office.
Where is that? At church.
What does Daddy do at work? He has a horse to ride. He lays on a pillow and takes a nap. Is that correct?
If you could give your daddy anything, what would it be? Me!
What is your daddy's name? Jonathan
What is his last name? Kelley
Where does your daddy like to go? All over the whole wide world--and he can do anything!
For fun, he likes to play! What do you guys play with? With my bristle blocks.
My favorite thing to do with my dad is play Daddy tag.
I love my dad because I play with him!
Interview with Evelyn
Father's Day 2012
How old is your daddy? Daddy! [Giggling]
What color is your daddy's hair? Daddy! [Giggling]
What color are your daddy's eyes? [Laughing hysterically]
What kind of clothes does Daddy wear? [Laughing hysterically]
Do you love Daddy? No! [Squealing and laughing]
Spencer: Mommy, I think you better ask Evie again.
5/21/13
Evelyn Rose As A 20 Month Old
Evie Roo, you still love to help, especially when it means we are leaving the house. You love to get dressed, get bags packed, and when I tell Spencer to get his shoes on, you often go get them before he does and start putting them on for him. He's starting to appreciate this set up, and smiles delightedly and tells you "Thanks, Evie!" Y'all are quite a pair. You love to hi-ya!, sword fight, play chase, and build forts with him, but you also love you baby dolls and you try to diaper them, change their clothes, wrap them up in blankets, and take care of them.
At night, you love to be tucked in with a collection of goodies, including your pacifiers, blanket, pillow, cup, two of Spencer's stuffed dog Natalie got him from Ikea, your Owl from Nana, your Violet dog who plays night time songs, and your baby doll along with its cup, bottle, and paci. When I put you in your crib, you lay your head down on your pillow, and then you want to be covered up with a blanket. You sometimes sleep in your big girl bed with no problem, but we're still working on getting you to sleep all night long, so we haven't switched you over yet.
Spencer finally convinced us to let you guys play in the hose in May. It was not very hot yet, and you were freezing; but you so wanted to be involved. Even when you were shivering and turning purple, you would not let me wrap you up and carry you inside. When you saw me taking your picture, you said, "Cheese" with Spencer.
You already really enjoy accessorizing. The picture above is an example of your current style. After I get you dressed, you tell me, "Bow?" and we find you a bow. I have to be really quick or you start picking out all sort of clippies and head bands, along with paci clips (which you think are an accessory), and once you've decided you want to wear something specific, we usually just go with it. You're not easily swayed. You don't like to wear a pony tail very much. Sometimes if we're busy enough you'll leave it in, but as soon as we get home or you get still in your car seat, you pull it out.
You miss Spencer when he is at gone, but you do like playing with his toys without harassment.
At night, you love to be tucked in with a collection of goodies, including your pacifiers, blanket, pillow, cup, two of Spencer's stuffed dog Natalie got him from Ikea, your Owl from Nana, your Violet dog who plays night time songs, and your baby doll along with its cup, bottle, and paci. When I put you in your crib, you lay your head down on your pillow, and then you want to be covered up with a blanket. You sometimes sleep in your big girl bed with no problem, but we're still working on getting you to sleep all night long, so we haven't switched you over yet.
Spencer finally convinced us to let you guys play in the hose in May. It was not very hot yet, and you were freezing; but you so wanted to be involved. Even when you were shivering and turning purple, you would not let me wrap you up and carry you inside. When you saw me taking your picture, you said, "Cheese" with Spencer.
You already really enjoy accessorizing. The picture above is an example of your current style. After I get you dressed, you tell me, "Bow?" and we find you a bow. I have to be really quick or you start picking out all sort of clippies and head bands, along with paci clips (which you think are an accessory), and once you've decided you want to wear something specific, we usually just go with it. You're not easily swayed. You don't like to wear a pony tail very much. Sometimes if we're busy enough you'll leave it in, but as soon as we get home or you get still in your car seat, you pull it out.
You miss Spencer when he is at gone, but you do like playing with his toys without harassment.
You still LOVE Barney, and you really singing songs and dancing or doing the motions. You love "Mr. Sun," "Skin-A-Marinkee Dinky Dink," "Itsy Bitsy Spider," the "ABC Song," "Wheels On the Bus," and "If All the Rain Drops." Anything you can do motions to, you really love. You like it when I sing a song and let you fill in the last word to each phrase. I pause and you sing the missing word while smiling really big. You do not like for games, songs, or movies to be over.
When I got home from a quick trip to Savannah, you ran up to me and said, "Hold me!" After that you have had an expressive language explosion. It's so fun to hear your little voice sound like a big girl. Some of your favorite phrases are "Spencer, aaaaaare yoooooouuu?" "T'Mon, Da--ee, sit here." And "'Mon, Ma-ee" along with "Clean up."
You did so well with your Dad, your Aunt Natalie, and our church friend Holly while I was gone. I missed you so much, but I was so proud of you. They said you didn't fuss at all at Sunday School, or with Nat or Holly. You're growing up so quickly.
Also, waiting for me to get home from Savannah was the stomach virus. You and Spencer both had it the night I arrived, but Daddy and I managed to miss this one.
4/21/13
19 Months
Evelyn, every month you surprise me with how smart you are. This past month, Gigi met us one time at the soccer field for Spencer's soccer practice. The next time we were walking out the door to go to soccer, you started asking for Gigi. Instead of jumping to conclusions and thinking you actually remembered that she was there once and thinking that you for sure knew that we were going to soccer, I just thought that sometimes when we leave the house in the afternoon, it is to go to Gigi's house, and that is probably why you were asking for her. But, as soon as we got to the soccer fields, you started asking for her again. You don't miss a thing.
You went with me to Spencer's Easter party, and you thoroughly enjoyed yourself. There seemed to be only months as opposed to years between you and the kids in his class. You loved it so much, in fact, that you persuaded your mom who planned on keeping you home at least one more year that you had to be signed up for Mother's Day Out this fall. Since you're a September birthday, you'll be almost two when it's time to start.
Your second Easter was so much fun. We went to Easter events all weekend, and you discovered that you love candy, particularly chocolate candy, but you even made your way through some Twizzlers in your car seat. It did seem to upset your tummy, though, so while I was happy to throw caution to the wind in light of our risen savior, I was also encouraged in how I usually feed you. Your tummy just doesn't know what to do with all that sugar.
In April, you saw the ocean for the first time, and when it was warm and sunny, you really had fun at the beach. You also loved staying in the condo with family, and you slept in a regular bed much better than you've been sleeping in your crib. You had a few rough nights of being awake too much, but you had a couple nights where you slept all night. Getting you to sleep was hard, and I finally had to just leave you in there screaming. I told you if you got out of bed you'd be "disciplined," and you bought it, "protested" for a bit, and then went to sleep every time--naps and bed time. I wish I had figured this out at the very beginning of the trip, but it was also great to see that you can sleep in a "big" bed whenever we need you to. We did take side rails for the bed, and those are definitely necessary for how actively you sleep, but all in all you did awesome.
You did not do as awesome the one night we tried to go out to dinner. You didn't want to sit there, and you let that be known loudly and frantically. We got through it, and you liked your Gulf shrimp; but it was wild.
You had another cold this month, but you didn't develop any kind of secondary infection, so we were very thankful for that.
You're really enjoying your books these days, and you have more patience for something reading to you.
You love avocado, refried ones, and string cheese. You want every single thing on your tray that is on any other person's plate at the table. It's great in my book, because you are trying all sorts of food that is good for you.
You are really a Mommy's girl these days, but you love Spencer and your Dad so much too. You really keep me on my toes, and I so love watching you figure things out and ordering your little world as you see fit.
You are hilarious and you love to do what Spencer thinks is funny or cool. You love to imitate his evil plan laugh, and you always use it in the perfect social context, i.e., if you sneak off to do or get something you know I don't want you to. If I catch you, you look at me and say, "Ah ah aaaaaaah!" with conviction and a giant smile. Then you run away as fast as your little waddle-y run will take you.
You have started saying, "Oooh, man!" whenever you are disappointed. You will say it to yourself if you drop something or can't get something to work right. You will say it to me, through tears, when I tell you "No," or that we're doing something you don't want to do. You say it with all different tones and intonations, but you always use it just perfectly for whatever the disappointment of the minute happens to be.
You still love Barney, and I'm ashamed to say that you've learned many, many age appropriate songs and motions to the songs from that purple dinosaur instead of your mom. You love to sing and act out the song they sing at the end of every episode. It is so precious.
You still love your bottle. Why you couldn't have loved it at 8 months, I'll never really know; but you sure love it now.
You also still love your paci.
Second only to bottles and paci's are babies. We have officially lost the baby doll you got for your birthday, and just today (at 20 months) you brought me its clothes and asked me for it. Nana gave it to you for your first birthday, and you may have to ask for a replacement baby for your second birthday. And I'll insist you leave it at home precisely because you love it so much.
You went with me to Spencer's Easter party, and you thoroughly enjoyed yourself. There seemed to be only months as opposed to years between you and the kids in his class. You loved it so much, in fact, that you persuaded your mom who planned on keeping you home at least one more year that you had to be signed up for Mother's Day Out this fall. Since you're a September birthday, you'll be almost two when it's time to start.
Your second Easter was so much fun. We went to Easter events all weekend, and you discovered that you love candy, particularly chocolate candy, but you even made your way through some Twizzlers in your car seat. It did seem to upset your tummy, though, so while I was happy to throw caution to the wind in light of our risen savior, I was also encouraged in how I usually feed you. Your tummy just doesn't know what to do with all that sugar.
In April, you saw the ocean for the first time, and when it was warm and sunny, you really had fun at the beach. You also loved staying in the condo with family, and you slept in a regular bed much better than you've been sleeping in your crib. You had a few rough nights of being awake too much, but you had a couple nights where you slept all night. Getting you to sleep was hard, and I finally had to just leave you in there screaming. I told you if you got out of bed you'd be "disciplined," and you bought it, "protested" for a bit, and then went to sleep every time--naps and bed time. I wish I had figured this out at the very beginning of the trip, but it was also great to see that you can sleep in a "big" bed whenever we need you to. We did take side rails for the bed, and those are definitely necessary for how actively you sleep, but all in all you did awesome.
You did not do as awesome the one night we tried to go out to dinner. You didn't want to sit there, and you let that be known loudly and frantically. We got through it, and you liked your Gulf shrimp; but it was wild.
You had another cold this month, but you didn't develop any kind of secondary infection, so we were very thankful for that.
You're really enjoying your books these days, and you have more patience for something reading to you.
You love avocado, refried ones, and string cheese. You want every single thing on your tray that is on any other person's plate at the table. It's great in my book, because you are trying all sorts of food that is good for you.
You are really a Mommy's girl these days, but you love Spencer and your Dad so much too. You really keep me on my toes, and I so love watching you figure things out and ordering your little world as you see fit.
4/11/13
Enough Bad Theology: Death
I make few things about my life, interests, and beliefs secret. I love to learn. I love to teach, in as much as I love to tell the truth to those around me. I try to be humble--to know what I know and what I don't know. I left college knowing just how little I knew.
Epistemologically, many will disagree with me; but I'm not naive about what I believe or why I believe it. I'm not afraid of disagreement; but I am discouraged when others disagree using poor logic, poor reasoning and an arrogant attitude.
My Facebook newsfeed never fails to shock me with how many people know the answer to all of life's great questions--without a shadow of a doubt. Never mind those silly people who for millennia have pondered these sorts of questions. What did they know? People who literally dedicate their lives to study and, in the end, have learned a lot but feel there is much that remains uncertain. Too bad they weren't on Facebook. They could have had those questions cleared up in a matter of minutes.
I try not to "preach" what I believe in as much as that word has bad connotations. However, there are some things that I think about for years and years. Things that, if I could talk through with every single person I know, I would, because it is that important to understand if one is to live fully.
And here it is: God doesn't want bad things to happen. And God doesn't make bad things happen.
Now, this is filled with words that have to be defined but since this is in no way an academic exercise, I'm just going to throw a few things out there and get on with it. By God, I mean the God who Christians believe revealed himself in the Old Testament and New Testament. By "bad" I mean horrible, evil things, but in particular, I mean death. Death is the opposite of what the Bible says God is about. If you care to know the God of the Bible, you'll have to go along with hearing what the Bible happens to say about him. If you don't then there is really no need to keep reading. I'm not mad at you, but you won't like how I "argue" the rest of this.
And that's ok, because I'm mainly typing to my evangelical friends here. The ones that can look me in the eye and tell me that God wanted their baby to die or that God gave their brother cancer. I hold that this thinking is built on bad exegesis and a bad understanding of who God is. He makes beauty from ashes, but he calls them "ashes"--not things that look horrible to us dumb, unenlightened humans but are in some secret way a really great thing.
This is important not because Christians should split hairs with each other or because I need to be right about this; this is important because erroneous teaching along these lines is one of the major reasons Christianity sounds so horrible to non-Christians. And, there is much about Christianity that will not be welcomed by a non-Christian; but if you are representing Christ, you're going to want to do that as truthfully as you can. Poor representation is also called blasphemy, and worshipping your own poorly made representation is called idolatry--neither of which is the goal for the Christians I know who are seeking to fight the good fight.
One of my favorite discussions about this comes from Ben Witherington's "When A Daughter Dies," and I hope it's not illegal for me to retype some of it here, in quotes with credit to him, of course. If it is, please let me know in the comments.
[I'm quoting this from my kindle which does not show page numbers]
From Chapter 1: Was This God's Will?
"I was determined from day one after Christy's death to be open to whatever positive thing there might be to glean from this seeming tragedy. I clung to the promise of Romans 8:28 that 'in all things God works for the good of those who love him.'
The first point that was immediately confirmed in my heart was theological: God did not do this to my child. God is not the author of evil. God does not terminate sweet lives with a pulmonary embolism. Pulmonary embolisms are a result of the bent nature of this world. As Ann [his wife] kept repeating, 'God is not the problem; he is the solution.'
One primary reason I am not a Calvinist is that I do not believe in God's detailed control of all events. [. . .] Third, because Job's words, 'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away (1:21), do not express good theology! According to Job 1, it was not God but the Devil who took away Job's children, health, and wealth. God allowed it to happen, but when Job says these words, as the rest of the story shows, he was not yet enlightened about the true source of his calamity and what God's will actually was for his life. God's will for him was for good and not for harm. . .
As I stood before the casket and stared at our 'Christy girl'. . .I was so thankful that the God of the resurrection had a better plan for her. . .The phrase, 'It's all God's will' is likewise cold comfort. . .I believe in a God whose Yes! to life is louder than death's No! Death is not God's will. On the contrary, God is in the trenches with us, fighting the very same evils we fight in this world--disease, suffering, sorrow, sin and death itself. He cries with us!"
Given, there are many philosophers and theologians who disagree. But, please, approach these matters with due humility and realism about yourself and your study. Google the author. He's studied the Bible a little bit. That certainly does not make him infallible or right about everything, but it does make him worth considering. More than anything, agree with this, disagree with this but think about what actions you ascribe to God--especially if those actions are the very thing Christians believe he came into the world to defeat--evil and death.
Disclaimer: If I were writing a paper, this would be a VERY bad one. I'm speaking conversationally and putting some thoughts "out there." This is in no way a comprehensive treatment of this issue. It pinpoints one of my least favorite angles taken on this topic.
Homework: how do songs we sing strengthen this misinterpretation of the verses in Job?
Epistemologically, many will disagree with me; but I'm not naive about what I believe or why I believe it. I'm not afraid of disagreement; but I am discouraged when others disagree using poor logic, poor reasoning and an arrogant attitude.
My Facebook newsfeed never fails to shock me with how many people know the answer to all of life's great questions--without a shadow of a doubt. Never mind those silly people who for millennia have pondered these sorts of questions. What did they know? People who literally dedicate their lives to study and, in the end, have learned a lot but feel there is much that remains uncertain. Too bad they weren't on Facebook. They could have had those questions cleared up in a matter of minutes.
I try not to "preach" what I believe in as much as that word has bad connotations. However, there are some things that I think about for years and years. Things that, if I could talk through with every single person I know, I would, because it is that important to understand if one is to live fully.
And here it is: God doesn't want bad things to happen. And God doesn't make bad things happen.
Now, this is filled with words that have to be defined but since this is in no way an academic exercise, I'm just going to throw a few things out there and get on with it. By God, I mean the God who Christians believe revealed himself in the Old Testament and New Testament. By "bad" I mean horrible, evil things, but in particular, I mean death. Death is the opposite of what the Bible says God is about. If you care to know the God of the Bible, you'll have to go along with hearing what the Bible happens to say about him. If you don't then there is really no need to keep reading. I'm not mad at you, but you won't like how I "argue" the rest of this.
And that's ok, because I'm mainly typing to my evangelical friends here. The ones that can look me in the eye and tell me that God wanted their baby to die or that God gave their brother cancer. I hold that this thinking is built on bad exegesis and a bad understanding of who God is. He makes beauty from ashes, but he calls them "ashes"--not things that look horrible to us dumb, unenlightened humans but are in some secret way a really great thing.
This is important not because Christians should split hairs with each other or because I need to be right about this; this is important because erroneous teaching along these lines is one of the major reasons Christianity sounds so horrible to non-Christians. And, there is much about Christianity that will not be welcomed by a non-Christian; but if you are representing Christ, you're going to want to do that as truthfully as you can. Poor representation is also called blasphemy, and worshipping your own poorly made representation is called idolatry--neither of which is the goal for the Christians I know who are seeking to fight the good fight.
One of my favorite discussions about this comes from Ben Witherington's "When A Daughter Dies," and I hope it's not illegal for me to retype some of it here, in quotes with credit to him, of course. If it is, please let me know in the comments.
[I'm quoting this from my kindle which does not show page numbers]
From Chapter 1: Was This God's Will?
"I was determined from day one after Christy's death to be open to whatever positive thing there might be to glean from this seeming tragedy. I clung to the promise of Romans 8:28 that 'in all things God works for the good of those who love him.'
The first point that was immediately confirmed in my heart was theological: God did not do this to my child. God is not the author of evil. God does not terminate sweet lives with a pulmonary embolism. Pulmonary embolisms are a result of the bent nature of this world. As Ann [his wife] kept repeating, 'God is not the problem; he is the solution.'
One primary reason I am not a Calvinist is that I do not believe in God's detailed control of all events. [. . .] Third, because Job's words, 'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away (1:21), do not express good theology! According to Job 1, it was not God but the Devil who took away Job's children, health, and wealth. God allowed it to happen, but when Job says these words, as the rest of the story shows, he was not yet enlightened about the true source of his calamity and what God's will actually was for his life. God's will for him was for good and not for harm. . .
As I stood before the casket and stared at our 'Christy girl'. . .I was so thankful that the God of the resurrection had a better plan for her. . .The phrase, 'It's all God's will' is likewise cold comfort. . .I believe in a God whose Yes! to life is louder than death's No! Death is not God's will. On the contrary, God is in the trenches with us, fighting the very same evils we fight in this world--disease, suffering, sorrow, sin and death itself. He cries with us!"
Given, there are many philosophers and theologians who disagree. But, please, approach these matters with due humility and realism about yourself and your study. Google the author. He's studied the Bible a little bit. That certainly does not make him infallible or right about everything, but it does make him worth considering. More than anything, agree with this, disagree with this but think about what actions you ascribe to God--especially if those actions are the very thing Christians believe he came into the world to defeat--evil and death.
Disclaimer: If I were writing a paper, this would be a VERY bad one. I'm speaking conversationally and putting some thoughts "out there." This is in no way a comprehensive treatment of this issue. It pinpoints one of my least favorite angles taken on this topic.
Homework: how do songs we sing strengthen this misinterpretation of the verses in Job?
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