Enough Bad Theology: Death

I make few things about my life, interests, and beliefs secret.  I love to learn.  I love to teach, in as much as I love to tell the truth to those around me.  I try to be humble--to know what I know and what I don't know.  I left college knowing just how little I knew.

Epistemologically, many will disagree with me; but I'm not naive about what I believe or why I believe it.  I'm not afraid of disagreement; but I am discouraged when others disagree using poor logic, poor reasoning and an arrogant attitude.

My Facebook newsfeed never fails to shock me with how many people know the answer to all of life's great questions--without a shadow of a doubt.  Never mind those silly people who for millennia have pondered these sorts of questions.  What did they know?  People who literally dedicate their lives to study and, in the end, have learned a lot but feel there is much that remains uncertain.  Too bad they weren't on Facebook.  They could have had those questions cleared up in a matter of minutes.

I try not to "preach" what I believe in as much as that word has bad connotations.  However, there are some things that I think about for years and years.  Things that, if I could talk through with every single person I know, I would, because it is that important to understand if one is to live fully.

And here it is:  God doesn't want bad things to happen.  And God doesn't make bad things happen.

Now, this is filled with words that have to be defined but since this is in no way an academic exercise, I'm just going to throw a few things out there and get on with it.  By God, I mean the God who Christians believe revealed himself in the Old Testament and New Testament.  By "bad" I mean horrible, evil things, but in particular, I mean death. Death is the opposite of what the Bible says God is about.  If you care to know the God of the Bible, you'll have to go along with hearing what the Bible happens to say about him.  If you don't then there is really no need to keep reading.  I'm not mad at you, but you won't like how I "argue" the rest of this.

And that's ok, because I'm mainly typing to my evangelical friends here.  The ones that can look me in the eye and tell me that God wanted their baby to die or that God gave their brother cancer.  I hold that this thinking is built on bad exegesis and a bad understanding of who God is.  He makes beauty from ashes, but he calls them "ashes"--not things that look horrible to us dumb, unenlightened humans but are in some secret way a really great thing.

This is important not because Christians should split hairs with each other or because I need to be right about this; this is important because erroneous teaching along these lines is one of the major reasons Christianity sounds so horrible to non-Christians.  And, there is much about Christianity that will not be welcomed by a non-Christian; but if you are representing Christ, you're going to want to do that as truthfully as you can.  Poor representation is also called blasphemy, and worshipping your own poorly made representation is called idolatry--neither of which is the goal for the Christians I know who are seeking to fight the good fight.

One of my favorite discussions about this comes from Ben Witherington's "When A Daughter Dies," and I hope it's not illegal for me to retype some of it here, in quotes with credit to him, of course.  If it is, please let me know in the comments.

[I'm quoting this from my kindle which does not show page numbers]

From Chapter 1:  Was This God's Will?

"I was determined from day one after Christy's death to be open to whatever positive thing there might be to glean from this seeming tragedy.  I clung to the promise of Romans 8:28 that 'in all things God works for the good of those who love him.'
The first point that was immediately confirmed in my heart was theological: God did not do this to my child.  God is not the author of evil.  God does not terminate sweet lives with a pulmonary embolism.  Pulmonary embolisms are a result of the bent nature of this world. As Ann [his wife] kept repeating, 'God is not the problem; he is the solution.'
One primary reason I am not a Calvinist is that I do not believe in God's detailed control of all events. [. . .] Third, because Job's words, 'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away (1:21), do not express good theology! According to Job 1, it was not God but the Devil who took away Job's children, health, and wealth.  God allowed it to happen, but when Job says these words, as the rest of the story shows, he was not yet enlightened about the true source of his calamity and what God's will actually was for his life.  God's will for him was for good and not for harm. . .
As I stood before the casket and stared at our 'Christy girl'. . .I was so thankful that the God of the resurrection had a better plan for her. . .The phrase, 'It's all God's will' is likewise cold comfort. . .I believe in a God whose Yes! to life is louder than death's No! Death is not God's will.  On the contrary, God is in the trenches with us, fighting the very same evils we fight in this world--disease, suffering, sorrow, sin and death itself.  He cries with us!"

Given, there are many philosophers and theologians who disagree.  But, please, approach these matters with due humility and realism about yourself and your study.  Google the author.  He's studied the Bible a little bit.  That certainly does not make him infallible or right about everything, but it does make him worth considering.  More than anything, agree with this, disagree with this but think about what actions you ascribe to God--especially if those actions are the very thing Christians believe he came into the world to defeat--evil and death.

Disclaimer:  If I were writing a paper, this would be a VERY bad one.  I'm speaking conversationally and putting some thoughts "out there." This is in no way a comprehensive treatment of this issue.  It pinpoints one of my least favorite angles taken on this topic.

Homework:  how do songs we sing strengthen this misinterpretation of the verses in Job?

Evelyn at Eighteen Months

Evelyn Rose, you are one and a half years old!  You are so smart and so funny.  About two weeks ago it seemed as though you grew up three months' worth over night.  You woke up with little soft brown ringlets, more grown up expressions, more words, and even more opinions.

You had your well-visit March 22, 2013.  You weighed 23 lbs. 5 oz. (35th percentile), were 31.5 in. tall (46th percentile), and your head circumference was 18.5" (64th percentile).  Dr. Marin said your growth curve looked great.

You still love your paci, and you still want to be rocked with a bottle at night.  You can climb onto almost everything in the house.  You give the biggest hugs and the sweetest kisses.  You say, "huuuuuug" or "mmmmmwa."  I put a blanket on you in your carseat the other day, and you cuddled it up to your face and said, "soooooft."  You love music and dancing.  Your favorite songs right now are "Skinamarinky Dinky Dink" and "The ABC's."  You also love to watch Barney, and you want it on both televisions constantly.

You love your brother so much, and you were so excited when he started moving and playing around the house again after he had a stomach virus.  You had the virus before him, and you were such a big girl through the whole thing.  You're also enamored with your daddy.  You squeal with delight when he gets home, and you scream when he leaves in the morning.

Miss Holly from church took care of you and Spencer a few weeks ago, she was your first real babysitter, and you did so great as soon as your dad and I got out of the house.  She said you played so happily, and she was surprised at how much more talking you did at home than you do at church.  She  gave you your bottle at bedtime, and you fell asleep with her rocking you!

You are such a little helper.  This month, I told you I was going to do some laundry, and then I walked away.  You grabbed a pile of dirty clothes off the living room floor and carried it to the laundry room for me!  I may put you in charge of the laundry soon!

You have been eating lots of new foods lately that you haven't cared for up until now.  You have also continued to love refried beans and avocado.  The avocado seems to make your eczema on your fingers and face flare up pretty badly, but it's so good for you, so I've continued to feed it to you.

You may have regulated your little internal clock to sleeping all night without waking up.   You've done it three or four nights in a row for a couple of different times now.  It's certainly time to get that worked out!  [Edited March 22, 2013, you haven't slept through the night since then.  Bummer.]  You love your aunts, uncles, and grandparents so much, and you still love babies.  Whenever you get the chance, you take my computer, open it up and ask me to show you babies.  Sometimes, you'll settle for looking at dogs in books.  They are probably your second most loved thing right now.  You also get my phone and ask me to call "Na-nee" so she'll bring over the baby.

You let me put a pony tail holder in your hair last week while you ate a popsicle, and you left it alone until nap time.  That was by far the best you've ever done with a pony tail!

You love to play outside, and you love to play with Spencer's toys.  You get out every book you know of that has a picture of a baby in it, and you insist that I find the picture and talk to you about it.  You don't have a lot of patience for listening to books in their entirety right now.  You like to color, but you also put the crayons in your mouth, so it's still not a great activity for you.

Whenever you see me drinking something with ice in it, you ask for ice in your water cup.  You very deliberately walk to the freezer and say "ice, ice" while pointing inside your mouth.  Then, once I've put a piece in your cup, you walk off so proud of your big girl self.  You want to eat food in the exact form that Spencer, me, and your dad eat them in.  You will not eat your strawberries cut up, and you want them sitting on the napkin or paper towel that I used to dry them off, just like I serve them to Spencer.  If we have shredded lettuce on our nachos, you want shredded lettuce!  You want to do and say just what Spencer does and says.  You kept telling us "back!" one night, when you were leaving the room until we figured out that you were saying you would be "right back"--just like Spencer says when he runs out of the room.

The picture with you climbing onto the ice chest makes you look like a little ballerina doing her barre exercises.  I was impressed with your form!

You have a mouthful of teeth, most of which have been there a long time but have recently seemed to grow further down. You still have a few some molars missing.  Your eyes are the same exact hazel color they were the day you were born.  You hair is light brown, and it was even lighter after you spent a sunny morning outside at Benjamin's birthday party.  You still have faint tan lines from last summer even though you were constantly covered in sunscreen!  You're going to look like a little lake or beach baby for sure in just a few short months.

17 Months of Evelyn

You still love babies.  You point them out whenever you see one.   And, this month, you found a way to make your dollhouse a "baby" activity.  There is a little cradle in the dollhouse, and there is a baby that is made to fit into it, but I've never pointed it out to you or talked to you about it.  I walked into the living room, and you were saying "rock, rock...rock, rock" while rocking the dollhouse cradle.  I looked inside of it, and you had perfectly placed the little baby in the cradle.  You had a huge grin on your face and were obviously proud of yourself for playing with it "right."

You and Spencer were very sick for the last half of January and the beginning of February, but the plus side of that was you got to have your first popsicle.

Here you are doing your happy dance.  Oh, the deliciousness of a fruit popsicle!

Once you had your first popsicle, you have asked for them constantly.  You really don't like how cold they are, though, and you only "eat" them for a few minutes.

Now, whenever Spencer asks for a popsicle, you chime in with "Pop! Pop!"  When I say "No" you both scream at me in unison.  You call suckers "pop's" too.  You get a dum dum "pop" after I get my allergy shot; and you think you're pretty big stuff.

Here you are on a Sunday morning before church.

You didn't scream at me when I gently took out your paci, but you gave me this look, like, "How long am I supposed to sit here and act like that didn't bother me?"  

You enjoyed playing with your baby play mat when cousin Lucy was finished with it.  It made a nice breakfast table.  

You're wearing a romper that Gigi made for me.  You're such a little love.

Every afternoon around 3:30 you start asking for your daddy.  You love him so much.  You cling to him all morning while he's getting ready for work, and you usually throw a fit when he leaves.

You found one of my necklaces and just had to wear it--and then tangle it beyond recognition.  

Your Grandmother and Grandfather were sick some in January and February too, so they didn't come for a visit, but they sent valentine cards to you and Spencer, and you both enjoyed them.

That's yogurt on the side of your face.

You still like your electric toothbrush from your stocking.  "Brush my teeth, Mom!"

You and Spencer stayed with your Dad (and with your Nana and G-Dad when Daddy worked on Sunday) for four days while I went to Nashville to visit Hillary.  Ruby went with us and got all the attention for a change.

She ate, talked, slept, and pooped--to the point of needing baths.  We ate, talked, shopped, and watched tv--Vinsant Girl style.  It was a lot of fun, but by the third day I was missing you and Spencer so much!

We found some fun shops with cute kid clothes.  Ruby took a nap in her Moby wrap on me, proving that I have always been using it properly but never had a baby amenable to being worn.  

You and Spencer had tons of fun with your dad while I was gone.  He sent me pictures and texts so I could know y'all were doing good.

This is my favorite picture he sent me--you as the dragon and Spencer as the knight!

Don't worry, you have some girl-y costumes too; although now that I'm looking at this one more closely, it might be time to hand that one down to Ruby.  

As soon as I got home from Nashville, you, Daddy, and Spencer had a costumed sword fight.

You very much enjoy being right in the middle of things.

I got a few cuddles from my beautiful hazel-eyed girl too.

You don't shy away from physical confrontation.  Thankfully, your physical confrontations are always in good fun and closely monitored.

I peeked in the living room Valentine's Day morning, and this was what I saw.  I thought, "God did that just for me!"  I so enjoy watching you and Spencer become friends.

Jenny made you the sweetest shirt for Valentine's Day and you got to wear it to Spencer's school party, where you thoroughly enjoyed yourself.  He shared his cookies with you, you played with the baby dolls, and got a sucker out of the deal.  Spencer was beyond proud of you when we walked into his room.  He introduced you to everyone as "My little sister Evie" and talked about you the whole time.  I couldn't keep him interested in his "party" activities at all.  It was so sweet, and it took me completely by surprise.

Spencer loves you so much.  He asked to rock you for your nap the other day, and I let him.  He got in your glider, you laid down in his lap and drank your bottle, and he sang, "Jesus Loves Me" and "Jesus Loves the Little Children" while I pushed the glider back and forth.  You were smiling up at him so big!  Neither of you would have been cool with this a year ago (when you were more the appropriate age for being rocked with a bottle, ha!).  We have these glimmers of peace and love more often these days which is such an encouragement.  You and Spencer are both such sweet, loving kids.

I couldn't hold out any longer--Gigi and I got you some cute new spring clothes.

The Monday I got home from Nashville, Miss Natalie and her little Audrey threw a fun Valentine's Day party.  I was afraid I wouldn't be home in time to take you; but I was, and it was so fun.  Natalie had everything that should be at a toddler / preschooler Valentine party, including treat sacks with hand made cards and no candy at all!  She's my hero.  Since your dad took off work that day to take care of you and Spencer until I got home, Spencer insisted that he come too--it was a family affair.

Here you are playing with Audrey's toys.  I hope you girls get to be friends like her mommy and I are friends.

You had a big month, little lady, and to top it all off, on February 20, 2012,  you said your name.

I think you've been attempting "Evelyn" for a couple of months when prompted, but it's hard for a baby to say that, making it harder for me to be sure you that's what you were saying.  I you would try to say it some, but I was never sure which times you did and which times you didn't. (Ha!)  You're still not the clearest talker.  However, we were looking in the mirror and talking, pointing, and I was saying our names, etc., and then, I told you to say "Evie."  You immediately said, "E-bie!" and smiled the biggest smile.  I cheered and clapped--I was so proud of you!  You do not say it very often, but every now and then I can talk you into saying "E-bie" again.  Way to go, E-bie!  Keep up the good work!

Evelyn At Sixteen Months

The day you turned 16 months, we celebrated an early Christmas at Gigi and Papa's house.

You love your daddy so much.  You follow him around the house in the morning while he gets ready for work.  I never noticed how much attention you were paying to his morning routine until you found a q-tip the other day and stuck it in your ear and twisted it around.  Ha!  I have never done that in front of you (because I don't do that at all); but you have seen your daddy do it and you copied him perfectly!  After you cleaned out your ears with it, you cleaned out your baby doll's ears too!

"Are you telling me I have no bottoms to match this amazing top, Mom?"

You loved your dancing baby!  We've already changed the batteries.

You also loved your play necklace and bracelet!

You got boots and a new coat just in time for a Christmas snowstorm.

Your dad took a trip to the Music City Bowl with some friends, then we all got a stomach virus, the flu (just you and Spencer had that), and then another stomach virus and then you had an upper respiratory infection.  While on an antibiotic for that, you got an ear infection in both ears and started another stronger antibiotic.  Thankfully, that cleared it all up.  January was rough.  We missed Aunt Hillary's visit to Little Rock because of the stomach virus, and she didn't get to come back to visit you for another month and a half.  She couldn't believe how much you had grown!

This was a late Christmas celebration in Benton following the first stomach virus of January.  You loved opening all of your fun gifts from Nana and G-Dad.

There were a few healthy and fun days thrown into all the craziness.  You and Spencer were both so cute this Sunday morning, that I tried to take your picture together.  You were excited about it and willing to participate.  You sat where I told you to and would say, "Cheese!"

As soon as you sat down by Spencer for the picture, he ran off.

Aunt Hillary got you that sweet Cinderella dress for your birthday.

Spencer wasn't really excited about taking a picture.

I love your little expression while he's screaming in your face.  I feel like you're thinking, "What's the big deal, Spencer?"

Then, you were tired of his screaming.  I was with you.

You had such a great holiday season, despite all the sickness that followed.  You got to briefly play with my the Hart cousins, the Stones, and the Mertzs.  You were a trooper in the ice storm from Conway to Little Rock and sleeping at Gigi's house while our power was out, and even while you were sick.  You slept through the night when you had your ear infection, which is something you still don't do when you're healthy.  You also took two naps a day while you were sick--you were pretty pitiful.  You're such a funny, smart, energetic, precious little lady, Evelyn Rose.  I don't know how it's possible, but I think I love you more every day.