A Story That Should Be Told

In the Spring of 2007, I did some minimal gardening in our front flower beds. There are a million different things that you can plant. There was no amount of research or sun-amount observing that could help me make the final, crucial decision of how to spend the $8 I hoped to use to magically make the front flowerbeds look fabulous. An elderly lady previously owned our home and spent what must have been a respectable chunk of money to landscape the front and back yards to help sell the house. For this I am eternally grateful. However, because of this, I felt that the pressure was on. I desperately did not want to be "those people" who moved in and dropped the ball on the landscaping upkeep.

So, armed with my knowledge of everything and nothing involving what I needed and/or wanted to buy, I threw caution to the wind and purchased two green, leafy, plants that were so short I couldn't get their roots underground without covering some of their foliage as well. The little plastic, vertical sign said it all: "Dwarf Banana Plant." Why, you ask, would I choose this particular plant? Well, I have always loved the ocean and in turn all things tropical or anything that in any way evokes images of the beach or the ocean or peace or calm or sunny days or breeze....you get the idea. So, since there was no way to make a "right" decision (can you tell that this bothered me?) I made the second best one--I made a tropical decision. I disregarded the fact that neither our yard, nor our house, nor our geographic location has anything to do with the stereotypical "tropical" foliage, and I planted them.

I planted them sometime after the last frost date. This is a date that varies depending on which "zone" or part of the country you live in. It is known to most people who plant more than two things in their yard per year. It's also a date which I have already forgotten. It's ok, because my mother knows this date, and it is my firm conviction that it is useless for us to duplicate knowledge. She knows some things; I know some things. Why should we both know all the same things? What a waste. All that to say, the date is sometime in the spring. I probably planted them Mid-April. Maybe May.

So spring came and went, and summer did the same, and eventually it had been at least six months since I'd gotten my hands a little dirty, and taken part in something horticultural. Turns out that this story could also be entitled, "The Dwarf Banana Plants That Could," because in November 2007--the same year I'd planted them--I had to ask my mom and one of my sisters, as well as my mom's shovel, to help me un-plant what I had done.

It appears that "Dwarf Banana Plant" was somewhat of a misnomer. If it were named "Dwarf Banana Tree, " I would feel as if I'd been fairly warned. These were relatively small for trees.

So much for not being "those people" who let all manner of crazy grow in their flowerbeds for months on end with no pruning, trimming, or other sort of manicuring. After much hard work (and a short photo shoot for posterity) the three of us managed to fell one of the "plants." Then we wisely and shamelessly enlisted Jonathan to do the rest of the manual labor. (Such a lucky guy). He managed to get the second one down, and then went on to get them both bagged for trash pick up. We had to wait a few more months before we--and by "we" I mean Jonathan--could get the remaining stumps out of the ground.

Mom's hand is in the picture to help you with scale.

Good times with gardening. Now you know what not to plant this spring. Glad to be of help.

And no, they never produced any bananas--maybe if we'd waited 'til New Years'.